Christmas Break 2012

Our 'Winter Break' has come to an end . . . back to work/school tomorrow.  I could really use another week, which is probably due to the fact I've been moving at a snail's pace over these last two weeks.  I would feel guilty, but I think it was well deserved!

Holden Family Holiday Adventures:

-1 Buche de Noel - marzipan details included - courtesy of myself, my mom, and brother
-1 completed puzzle of scenic Norway
-Numerous nights spent by a roaring fire
-A couple trips to Stockholm Inn for Swedish pancakes and the like . . .
-A much needed visit with one of my best friends and her cute family!
-2 movies that were both fantastic but very different from one another - Les Miserables & This is 40
-French nursery rhymes on repeat with Baby Elise - ahh les crocrocro! might just be stuck in my head until next year. . .
-Hours and hours of frustration over Ticket to Ride  wink, wink!

-Lots of quality family time - doesn't get any better than that!

I'm Going to Miss This.

We were supposed to leave today but that didn't happen, so for real (for real!), we are leaving tomorrow morning.  Super mixed emotions about this.  While I know I have a million things to get back to, I will miss my family immensely.  Plus, let's be honest. . . I don't want to get back to our reality!

Plus, I really hate loading up the car and driving!

Here are the things (just a few of the things) that I will miss. . .

 Walks along the green streets of the midwest.  You don't get that kind of joy or beauty in Las Vegas.

Late night Ticket To Ride games with the fam.  So glad we brought this along!

Baby Elise/Aunt Stephanie time!  Next time (probably around Christmas), she will quite possibly be crawling!

My Mom's cooking! Yum.

It was fun to be able to visit for so long!  We were able to accomplish a lot of fun things. . . I'll post more when we get back!

Here's to 30 hours in the car! Cheers! 

**sarcasm intended**

Punched In The Gut

I'm going to type this while the feelings are still raw. . . 

Remember when I told you that the hardest times with our fertility ordeal occur when people say things not knowing that they are hurting you, but are hurting you; the type of hurt that hits you to the core?  It's really not their fault...it's not like you're wearing a badge that says "Hi, I'm Stephanie and I'm infertile".

Here's the story:

We went out to eat for my sister-in-law's birthday.  Remember the one who is pregnant that I had a huge freak out over?  I know, I still owe you that story.  She's pregnant and while I am happy for her now, it is still hard in itself.

So, while were were enjoying her birthday celebration at Grimaldi's (delicious by the way!) a bunch of ladies from my mother-in-law's ward came over to our table and started oohing and ahhing over the fact that my sister-in-law is having a girl (yay! good for them, seriously)...honestly, hard for me to be around though.

Then...Here it is!!!

One of the ladies, car seat in tow (does that really surprise you? They're Mormon) - who knows my husband; bless her heart...she doesn't know our situation at all, says,  "So, wait?" "Are you guys expecting too?"  "Your mom got up in sacrament and expressed how grateful she is for two grandbabies on the way"  Punch me in the gut at this point.  Steven said, and I can tell that he felt like this was the worst thing that anyone could say right now, due to my feeble state;

"No, that's not us."

*His mom's husband's son and daughter-in-law are expecting; that's who she was talking about.

I had to get up and excuse myself.  I locked myself in the bathroom for a breather.  It's hard, those are the times where I feel like I have been kicked down.

I came back out, but just felt so out of it.  To be honest, I don't really know how the rest of the evening went.

As we were leaving, though, Steven told me that I handled it well.  I don't know if I did or not.  It's hard to tell.

I called my dad, to ask him about a B12 deficiency...but then I just spilled the whole story of what had just happened.  He gave me some good advice....

"Children who are hard to come by, are usually the most well-adjusted and are so much more appreciated by their parents."  "It's true Stephanie, I know this."

And I believe him.  It doesn't mean that my friends and family who have them so easily, are not good parents.  Please!  I have so many good examples of family and friends who ADORE their children!  It is manifested all over Facebook (and I mean this as a good thing; I truly love seeing it!)

It could be something that Steven and I have to go through so that we are crazy in love with what we have! Tantrums, sleep deprivation, and all!

Hurting and still waiting...

Blessing The Babe And Other Child-Friendly Functions

This Sunday morning, we were invited to our dear friends' ward; for baby Holden's blessing.  Yep, his name is Holden, as in, my maiden name.  Not after me...more like Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye; I can pretend that it was done as a form of flattery!  

Bobby and Steven go back to their high school days, and from what I hear; the were hellians.  Not terrible...just things that would make any teacher go into early retirement!  

And. . . I lucked out when Bobby married Courtney!  I love that woman. . . .she is smart, strong, funny, and many many other great things.  She has also taken on motherhood to that little man, quite gracefully.

For selfish reasons, I'm glad that they are back in Vegas!

Is it hard being around all of our friends and their babies/toddlers/children?

Absolutely not!

What does hurt is when you feel like it should be your time and things don't go as wanted or planned.  It's painful, when those around you assume that you are handling it well, and then say things that remind you of your crappy situation.  Kind of like the 'salt-in-the-wound' phenomenon.

**The best, though, is the stranger (claims to be a long-lost family friend) who you've just met and he's probably around your dad's age. . .he asks you why you don't have kids after (gasp!) almost seven years, and then proceeds to give you vulgar; but in his mind...'sound advice'.  Thank you, Dr. Crackhead (I'm not kidding when I say that).


Okay back from my rant, because really this was meant to be good!

As I was sitting in church today, watching them bless this sweet little baby; all I could think about was progression.  Our friends are progressing, not just them, but anyone who decides to take the next step in life; and start a family.

Could I ever expect anyone to stop and wait for us because we aren't at a point where we can?  No, that would be ridiculous!

I am happy!  I am happy for our friends (and all our friends and family), who are taking on the challenge of bringing new little people into this world; to rear them in the right direction and to learn to love unconditionally.  I have some really great examples around me.  It's a very unselfish stage in life and I really look forward to it!