Wanted: Cousins!

Elise and London are making special requests . . . cousins!!!  Boy! Do they drive a hard bargain!

Elise at 12 months - April 2013

London at 7 months - June 2013

Because Uncle Steven and Aunt Stephanie - toys can only keep us entertained for so long!

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So far, we are 2 for 2 with blonde hair and blue eyes, with my brother's babe and Steven's brother's babe.  Our two nieces are about 6 months apart almost to the date!  I wonder what we'll get!  hmmmm . . . 

I'm about to depart for this crazy adventure.  Pretty exciting stuff!  Steven will join me next week after I get started on this whole process.   I've had a lot of questions on how an IVF cycle works.  It's explained here by the clinic that we'll be attending for harvesting and so forth.  I'll admit, I didn't really know the step-by-step process until we found ourselves in this same boat.  Pretty interesting stuff!

I Can Finally Breathe

At last, I can say that the Ward Christmas Party is over and that I am now able to focus on the holidays for our own family.  It took up A LOT of time.  I think my neighbor/committee's coordinator/friend Michelle can say the same!  I heard it went well, unfortunately I have been taking a technology course on Saturday mornings and because it was a breakfast ('A Cozy Christmas Morning' - to be exact) . . . I missed out.

Friday night:  I did, in fact, focus on holiday cheer by finishing up last minute breakfast dish RSVPs and finished cutting and tying yarn on Christmas ornaments for the kids.  Dang! I really wish that I had seen how everything turned out!

Saturday:  Steven and I composed our Christmas list for family and friends.  Thank goodness for Target and Amazon.  My family's gifts will be shipped directly to my parents' house and then I get the task of wrapping presents Christmas Eve . . . sure beats extra luggage!

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Last night, Steven, Megan, Austin, and I headed down to Metro Pizza  close to UNLV's campus.  It's pizza heaven.  Best I've had in this town. . . hands down!

Pizza Joy!

I needed to end the night by doing something festive and because Austin's house is a yard full of holiday wonder . . . we had to check out the Christmas collection!

As you can see, it did not disappoint!

A Birthday and a Treat

December 5th's festivities focused on Steven's birthday rather than the holidays.  I'm a little sad that his birthday falls in December . . .

1.  Boys are hard to shop for.

2.  Gifts and surprises need to be split up throughout the year.

Mr. D finally caught up to me age-wise!  And he made it know that it was a great birthday indeed, so I'm pretty happy with that. 

Originally, I did not know how I would feel about this ice cream.  I like peppermint in small doses, usually with lots and lots of chocolate.  However, I went with the seasonal option.  I'm glad I did!  It's so creamy and it's only 100 calories per 1/2 cup . . . very little guilt there!  BUT I really wanted this to be even better . . .a brownie possibly?  So, in lieu of Steven's birthday, his mom made brownies and I took one home to eat with my Peppermint Ice Cream.  Just what I've been craving and oh so perfect!

A VERY Happy 29th Birthday to my sweet huz!

Punched In The Gut

I'm going to type this while the feelings are still raw. . . 

Remember when I told you that the hardest times with our fertility ordeal occur when people say things not knowing that they are hurting you, but are hurting you; the type of hurt that hits you to the core?  It's really not their fault...it's not like you're wearing a badge that says "Hi, I'm Stephanie and I'm infertile".

Here's the story:

We went out to eat for my sister-in-law's birthday.  Remember the one who is pregnant that I had a huge freak out over?  I know, I still owe you that story.  She's pregnant and while I am happy for her now, it is still hard in itself.

So, while were were enjoying her birthday celebration at Grimaldi's (delicious by the way!) a bunch of ladies from my mother-in-law's ward came over to our table and started oohing and ahhing over the fact that my sister-in-law is having a girl (yay! good for them, seriously)...honestly, hard for me to be around though.

Then...Here it is!!!

One of the ladies, car seat in tow (does that really surprise you? They're Mormon) - who knows my husband; bless her heart...she doesn't know our situation at all, says,  "So, wait?" "Are you guys expecting too?"  "Your mom got up in sacrament and expressed how grateful she is for two grandbabies on the way"  Punch me in the gut at this point.  Steven said, and I can tell that he felt like this was the worst thing that anyone could say right now, due to my feeble state;

"No, that's not us."

*His mom's husband's son and daughter-in-law are expecting; that's who she was talking about.

I had to get up and excuse myself.  I locked myself in the bathroom for a breather.  It's hard, those are the times where I feel like I have been kicked down.

I came back out, but just felt so out of it.  To be honest, I don't really know how the rest of the evening went.

As we were leaving, though, Steven told me that I handled it well.  I don't know if I did or not.  It's hard to tell.

I called my dad, to ask him about a B12 deficiency...but then I just spilled the whole story of what had just happened.  He gave me some good advice....

"Children who are hard to come by, are usually the most well-adjusted and are so much more appreciated by their parents."  "It's true Stephanie, I know this."

And I believe him.  It doesn't mean that my friends and family who have them so easily, are not good parents.  Please!  I have so many good examples of family and friends who ADORE their children!  It is manifested all over Facebook (and I mean this as a good thing; I truly love seeing it!)

It could be something that Steven and I have to go through so that we are crazy in love with what we have! Tantrums, sleep deprivation, and all!

Hurting and still waiting...

Don't Get Me Wrong. . .

I would be lying if I said, that I have been positive on this whole journey.  Trials have their way of strengthening your character, but also breaking you down.  Let me illustrate:

1.  I am not the most pleasant person to be around.  I find myself to be hugely sarcastic and highly cynical these days.  I'm impatient with people, when most of the time; I am pretty tolerant.

2.  A lot of the time I take my frustrations out on my husband.  So very bad, I know.  I need to remember that it is just as much of his issue as it is mine.  

3.  Sometimes, I say that it is my issue and not ours, because we know that the problem lies with me.

4.  I reacted TERRIBLY when my brother and sister-in-law announced that they were pregnant, back in March.  I will share that story another time. . . although, I don't really want to because your perception of me might change! Eeek!

5.  I have shut Steven's family out from what has been going on.  I'm not saying that I will forever...I just feel like because they are so happy about example #3 (happens to be the first grandchild), and if they were to know about all the details--then (I kind of think it's already there) there'd be a huge elephant in the room, named "Pity".  However, I feel resentful due to the things that are said, because they think that everything is alright.  I have put myself in a bind with this one, since they all live in town and we see them often.

6.  I'm obsessive about my weight.  I don't have an eating disorder - I eat.  However, I find myself constantly worrying about how much I'm eating.  I'm more conscientious about my intake - which is good, but at the same time I could relax a bit.  I know it's because I feel like it's the only thing I can control about my body right now.

7.  As the process continues, I kind of feel like the news I get is worse and worse.  I'm optimistic, but I feel like I was more positive the days following my surgery than I am today.
   

8.  I've seen a counselor.  There is nothing wrong with getting counseling, in fact it's probably the healthiest thing to do, but I have had moments where I am so in my head; that I have needed that unbiased person to help me sort out those thoughts.

I promise that there are good things, too!  I just don't want to pretend like I have this trial and that I'm taking it better than the next person would.

Plan of Action and A Little Saturday Productivity!

Steven and I woke up super early this morning to do our Initial Female/Male Labs at the FCLV.  We had to fast...yuck.  Last night I was so nervous for today, that I didn't even think about eating; but by this morning my stomach was grumbling, I was so hungry!  This was our first step since Monday's consultation with Dr. Daneshmand.

Initial Work-Up is as follows:

Initial Female Labs - check!

Physical Exam - Scheduled for 5/31

Vaginal Cultures - TBD

Initial Male Labs - he was a trooper...check!

Nutritional Consultation - I think I'm okay on this one.  $100 not covered, no thanks!

Cycle Day 3 Labs - haven't gotten there yet. TBD

GYN Ultrasound - Really? Another One? TBD

Sonohysterogram - sounds a lot like my HSG test.  No fun.  TBD

Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) - check!

Follow-Up Consultation - TBD when all of the rest is said and done.  REALLY nervous for this one.  Note to self and all others....Bring Steven (in your case, your husband) with.  Initial Consultation was a lot to take in alone!

Initial labs went pretty well, all in all.  Steven was a champ, where I was quite squeamish.  The lab tech kept asking me if I was alright.  I can't stand to see my blood filling in small vials...especially on an empty stomach.  She told me that usually, it's the other way around.  The husband usually has issues with having his blood drawn and the wife is just fine.  I guess I better get used to it!

We treated ourselves to breakfast at The Cracked Egg.  Delicious....Steven had the most savory omelet!

Star Nursery is heavenly!

After breakfast, we headed over to our local nursery and snagged some sod.  When I say "snagged", I mean "snagged".  Apparently, it's hard to find grass in this town and everyone had already pre-ordered theirs.  After 10am, it's free game!

With our backyard (more like patio) under construction, it was fun to be at the nursery and dream up ideas for our small yard.  Gardening/Home design has become a sort of hobby for us.

So, we FINALLY have grass, thanks to my huz and father-in-law! It's pretty exciting to have REAL grass here in this town!

Hopefully soon, this will not look so patchwork quilt-like!