You Think So, Huh?

You think that because you . . .

-Are measuring 19 weeks along (big) and receive A+ ultrasounds every other week and . . .

-Just turned 30 two weeks ago (Hello! New decade!) and . . .

-Had the best birthday surprise that any 30-year old girl could dream of by having her husband and best friend plan the sneakiest stay-cation (apparently was in the works since July - literally had no clue!) and  . . .

-Were 3 weeks behind on your missionary brother's blog . . .

                entitles you to not making updates on your own blog?!

'Tis true.  I've been really bad at blogging.  Not that I don't have anything to blog about . . . I just haven't been feeling it.  My creative juices just haven't been flowing.  I chalk it up to pregnancy brain, pregnancy lack of motivation, and too much Dawson's Creek (oops! I really just admitted that). . .

On pregnancy:

-Thank you, second trimester!  You are a beautiful thing!

-I started feeling baby move over my birthday weekend (16 weeks) after finding smoke-free relief in our car.  Mind you, I don't frequent Fremont Street all that often, but with guests in town. . . I suppose it's a right of passage . . . one we all agreed could easily be forgotten.

-The ultrasound tech seems to think we are having a girl.  We should get the confirmation today at our 19 week anatomy scan.  This may sound bad, but I get horrible anxiety right before our ultrasounds.  I fear the worst  e v e r y time and things are usually just fine.

-I've been having the worst dreams about baby.  Usually the dreams end up with me having no baby in the end.  Odd, super odd dreams.  I guess a bout of infertility will burn those types of fears into your subconscious.  No fun.

-My boobs are huge.  I don't know why they decided to show up, but they are here.  Yikes!

On being 30:

-Steven reminded me over and over that I can never go back to my twenties.  They are done and over with.  That chapter has ended.  He made me feel like a part of me was dying.  I then reminded him that he is with a woman in her thirties, and I wanted to know what that felt like to someone in their twenties.     Personally, I wouldn't know.

-So far, I believe that my thirties might just be the greatest decade.  I hope to look back at this time in my life as a concrete time frame as to when we were able to start our own little family.  Nothing to prove - just to ourselves, moving at our own pace, and watching our little people grow . . . causing us to grow as well.  It will be a lot of hard work, sure . . . but probably the most fulfilling thing to boot.

#Holdenfam Spring Break: Part Deux

If I had to name one place that has remained constant in my life, it would have to be my grandparents' home in Thousand Oaks.  That place goes as far back in my memory bank as I can go.  Cousin-time, swimming, trips to the park, walks to Thrifty for ice cream, crazy outdoor dogs ( it is my personal opinion that dogs should not be left alone outside . . . it will cause mania in canines), holiday dinners . . . you name it.  While I accepted it as the Holdens' main hub/my birthplace, I also took it for granted.  Regretfully so, because let's be honest . . . it's freaking California!  The weather is perfect, it's green(er), the ocean is near, and the recreational possibilities are endless.

Wednesday afternoon, we made the 5-hour drive down . .  sans Steven - due to his grandmother's health.  In some ways, it felt like my childhood again . . . family road trips were a regular occurrence and so it felt familiar to be taking one again.

Highlights:

-Staying up late and chatting the night away with my aunt, Vicky.

-Thousand Oaks Farmer's Market - holy citrus extravaganza!

-The Oaks Mall (Paper Source . . .yes please!)

-Papa's honey-baked ham . . . so good!

-Walking, yes walking! . . . to Trader Joe's

We made it back to Vegas in time for some dinner at Sushi Fever, where we were ever so honored to be in the presence of Carrot Top (yes, super strange), prepare/enjoy Easter lunch the following day, and allow my family plenty of time to make their flight back to Illinois.  

Spring Break 2013, you were really good to us!

#Holdenfam Spring Break: Part 1

I do realize that this is a month overdue . . . but this little break with the Holden fam is worth noting.   Spring Break 2013 --yes when you are in education, you get to have these fun breaks all over again-- was celebrated here in Las Vegas with my mom, dad, and brother, Shane; with a much needed de-thawing of their Midwestern bones.

Part 1 of their stay includes, but is not limited to . . .

-Celebrating my Dad's 55th Birthday - - yay Dad!

-A couple hikes up Lone Mountain (my first time!)

-1 batch of Strawberry Freezer Jam with my Mama

-Golf for the guys

-The movie: OZ . . . loved it!

-1 glorious afternoon touring the Hoover Dam (Our first time . . the Holdens that is . . . Steven's a native so he doesn't count!) 

-Our second attempt at visiting Pawn Stars . . . the line is simply too long.  They actually have a food stand out in the parking lot.  Can you believe that?!

Part 2 pertains to a trip down to southern California, which deserves a post of its own. . .

Lapse in Time

This evening's text from 'L'Autre Steph' (French for "the other Stephanie - my mom's nickname for my best friend): 

"Why aren't you blogging anymore?"

Ugh, Yes. True. Sorry.

Which excuse did you want?  1. I've been busy with Relief Society activities.  2. My family came into town for Spring Break 2013 . . . holla! or  3. I have been blogging, just not on this blog per se - ElderHoldenNorway.blogspot.com is as up-to-date as possible . . . give me at least some credit there, puh-lease!  Speaking of, I freaking miss that kid . . . like a lot, but being his 'Blog Administrator', I kinda feel like he is not so far away.

However, I do, solemnly swear, that I will update you all on what we've been up to in these parts.  You can look forward to:

-The Relief Society Activity that I planned and executed successfully, with the help of some super ladies!

-Spring Break 2013 with the fam dam (uh, literally!)

-Home Improvements

-My somewhat green thumb - exciting stuff, I tell you!

-Our 'Baby Making' Plans - get your minds outta the gutter . . . it's strictly lab work.  Ha!

In the meantime, here are a couple pictures for you all to enjoy, because that's what blogs are really all about.  Am I right, or am I right?!

Spring Break 2012 - Me, Christopher, and Shane at Spring Mountain Ranch up Red Rock Canyon.  Geez, I miss that Pooker!

Spring Break 2013 - (L-R) Shane, my mom, Me, Steven, my dad at The Hoover Dam

Pooker's in Town!

Sunday night, my little brother came into town for a week's stay.  Initially, it was going to be a surprise for Steven's birthday, but Steven started feeling neglected by my brother (they have a sort of bromance) due to the fact that he will be gone for two years; (deserves its own post) and so we ended up telling him a week after the tickets were booked.  Needless to say, Steven was excited!

Monday and Tuesday night were spent:
 -making cinnamon rolls --something about Christopher and Steven together calls for cinnamon rolls.  Tradition maybe?
-I started reading the book, "Christmas Jars" by Jason F. Wright . . . so far, very sweet
-My brother and I attempted to watch "I'll Be Home for Christmas" . . .terrible/awful but full of holiday cheer, I suppose!
-Hanging out and spending some good quality time together

We love having him here!

I Can Finally Breathe

At last, I can say that the Ward Christmas Party is over and that I am now able to focus on the holidays for our own family.  It took up A LOT of time.  I think my neighbor/committee's coordinator/friend Michelle can say the same!  I heard it went well, unfortunately I have been taking a technology course on Saturday mornings and because it was a breakfast ('A Cozy Christmas Morning' - to be exact) . . . I missed out.

Friday night:  I did, in fact, focus on holiday cheer by finishing up last minute breakfast dish RSVPs and finished cutting and tying yarn on Christmas ornaments for the kids.  Dang! I really wish that I had seen how everything turned out!

Saturday:  Steven and I composed our Christmas list for family and friends.  Thank goodness for Target and Amazon.  My family's gifts will be shipped directly to my parents' house and then I get the task of wrapping presents Christmas Eve . . . sure beats extra luggage!

*************

Last night, Steven, Megan, Austin, and I headed down to Metro Pizza  close to UNLV's campus.  It's pizza heaven.  Best I've had in this town. . . hands down!

Pizza Joy!

I needed to end the night by doing something festive and because Austin's house is a yard full of holiday wonder . . . we had to check out the Christmas collection!

As you can see, it did not disappoint!

West Coast Christmas

I had visions of non-stop creativity and holiday bliss.  In a sense it's true, but not exactly what I had envisioned. 

Maybe it's still too early?  Maybe ward Christmas parties take up a lot of time (I mean it in a good way!)?  Perhaps real life gets in the way (ie. work, weekend class, errands, laundry, dishes)?  Or perhaps the holiday cheer will kick into high gear once my little brother gets here this weekend, school gets out, and we head off to Illinois?  We're excited for the later!

Life has been busy but it's also been good to us.

As promised, I am staying true to my countdown to Christmas . . .

I love Brooke White.  I loved her years ago on American Idol . . .I thought she was like sunshine . . . so cheerful and nice and carefree.  Her song "California Christmas" is FREE on iTunes  right now!  Living in Las Vegas, I can relate to this song --minus the sand and the beach.

It's catchy and I've been listening to it over and over again, today.

Go download it!

Christmas Shopping

I made a good little jump start to my Christmas shopping!  The Vegas outlets are fabulous and with the great prices PLUS coupons, they can't be beat.  So yay for some progress in the Christmas shopping department!

I also wanted to share that our Christmas decor is up and running! Besides the fact that we need a normal size tree . . . we'll wait until the good ones go on clearance; things are pretty merry around here!

7 Years.

7 years.

1 dog.

4 places of residence.

7 vehicles (ridiculous).

2 degrees obtained with one in progress.

9 jobs held.

1 trip to France.

1 surgery.

1 infertility diagnosis.

1 trip to Maui.

No "itch"!

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Due to the fact that our anniversary fell on a Monday, we decided to celebrate this past weekend.  It was fantastic, simple, and so Francais!  We dined at Pamplemousse   . . . vintage Vegas at it's finest.  It's been around since 1976 and is one of Vegas's finest treasures!  You rarely find that kind of history in this town.

Election Party

This year's election was quite the hype, I must say!  I voted early and felt optimistic . . .

However, despite tonight's disappointment . . . yes, for us it was a disappointment.  I guess I don't really care how old-fashioned/untrendy/simple-minded my political opinions are; I go by what I feel is right.  I am sulking just a tad.

On a brighter note, we had an election party this evening! Any reason to get together and socialize, is good for me.  We had a good little turnout!

"American" fare -- galore!  We munched, mingled, and watched the polls come in.  It was so much fun, we might just have to make this a tradition!

Mom's Birthday Weekend in Vegas!

I need to play catch-up!  We have had a busy two weeks, with lots to talk about. . . 

Last Thursday, my parents got into town for my mom's birthday weekend.  Despite my bout with the stomach flu, we were able to celebrate our hearts out! 

Some of the weekend's events included:

-KA Cirque du Soleil - Friday night

-My Mom's favorite chocolate cake

-Two golf dates for the boys

-One hike up Lone Mountain (my Dad, Steven, Bear)

-Jazz and Dinner out at Lake Las Vegas

-Lots and lots of good conversation with my Mom (as always!)

And my family got some really great news, that deserves its very own post . . .

29.

I'm 29 today.  I can't believe it.

 Is this really my last birthday in my 20s?  Next year might be a bit rough; although a man in Bagel Cafe made me it known to me that life begins at 30 (he overheard me having a conversation with a friend).  That actually might be true . . . 30 could mean parenthood for us and that would be the beginning of a whole new adventure.

Naturally, I took the day off today.

This is what I have planned:

Movie - The Odd Life of Timothy Green seems suiting and looks charming (I have a coupon for a free ticket on my birthday . . . I'm going by myself and I'm okay with that.  Has anyone else ever seen a movie by themselves? I've never done it!)

Shopping - Have to use all of those birthday discounts!

Dinner - Grimaldi's free birthday pizza!

Treats - I'm going to eat my heart out with pastries and cupcakes because today is a day where I can.

Here's hoping that this is, in fact, My Best Year Yet.

First Week Back Recap

1.  I survived my first week back to school! I came home exhausted everyday, but I managed, nonetheless!

2.  I have really good friends. . . like really good.  Some family, too . . . you know who you are!  I am grateful for them checking in on me, their sensitivities, and leaving me words of encouragement.  It's been overwhelmingly kind!

3.  We have decided to do IVF back in IL under my dad's practice.  We are fortunate to be able to get it at cost.  It will still set us back a bit, but will sure beat the 13k price tag here!  With some money saved and time off to be monitored, we'll start at the beginning of next summer. 

4.  My parents leave for France, one week from today, and I'm uber jealous!  It's my Papi's 80th birthday.  Oh, how I miss them! I'm thinking that I will repost my France entries from our trip last year . . . for old time's sake.  

My Grandparents' property - St. Die, France - April 2011 

On my Bring-Back-From-France wish-list:

*Chocolate (LOTS of it!)

*Carambar aux fruits

*Timotei shampoo (for Steven)

*Le Petit Marseillais body wash for me . . .suggestions?

*Anything else that would be cute in my home - that is soooo Francais!

My Go To Summer Dessert

Recipe from Marthastewart.com

The last couple of weekends, we have hosted dinner with friends or have been hosted by friends.  Needless to say, it's great.  It's fun to just be able to enjoy a good meal, with good company, and then play games or swim or what have you.

So, for the past two weekends, I have whipped up a new favorite of ours!  It's easy, tasty, light and fresh for summer, and has looks to impress.  No one will ever know that it was a last minute dessert.  Plus - it's all from scratch. . . no boxed cake mix here!

Makes 1 Two-Layer Cake

For the Cake (x2):

INGREDIENTS

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, (spooned and leveled)
• 1 cup sugar
• 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon coarse salt
• 6 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon white vinegar
• 1 cup cold water

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk together all-purpose flour, sugar, unsweetened cocoa powder, baking soda, and coarse salt.
2. Make a well in center of flour mixture and add vegetable oil, pure vanilla extract, white vinegar, and cold water. Whisk until well combined.  Pour into a prepared 8 in round cake pan.  Bake until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool completely in pan on a wire rack.

Cake Assembly:

INGREDIENTS

• 2 Cakes, baked in 2 8-inch round cake pans
• 2 pints heavy whipping cream
• 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 quart fresh strawberries, washed, trimmed and thinly sliced

DIRECTIONS

1. Bake cakes and cool completely.
2. Whip the cream to soft peaks, add the sugar and vanilla, and whip again until just stiffened. Do not over mix!
3. Slice the top off 1 cake round to make a flat surface. Spread bottom cake round with a thick layer of whipped cream. Top with a layer of half the amount of strawberries. Top with the other cake round and spread with another thick layer of whipped cream. Top with remaining strawberries.
4. Slice and serve with any extra whipped cream and berries on the side.

Voila! You won't be disappointed!

Jennie Comes to Town

Last weekend my friend, Jennie, came into town from Park City, UT.  She needed a break from work and Utah and I needed girl time.  It was perfect!  I think it's what we both needed!  

There was lots and lots of shopping (on Jennie's part).  I got to live vicariously through her! 

However, these little beauties did not stop me.  Gold, purple, and Kate Spade? YES, please!

We were able to spend a lot of time catching up.  I got to hear all about her fabulous career at the Montage Deer Valley, we caught a few sessions of Bingo (no winners), stopped by some stores that can't be found in Utah and had a relaxing afternoon at the Cesar's Palace Garden of the Gods Pool Oasis.

Did you know that ladies are FREE Mon-Thurs?!! Amazing!!!

As Jennie put it, "We did Vegas right!"

Results Are In. . .

After about three hours at the doctor's office on Thursday, we made a game plan. 

Initially, we thought that we would go the IUI route, because we were under the impression that our insurance covered 6 rounds of the procedure.  They do in fact cover the actual procedure; but do not cover the meds, monitoring, etc . . . which would cost us over 3k per cycle.  Ahhh, never underestimate the fine print!

So at 3k per cycle - with very little probability (due to my condition), we are going the IVF route.  In a way, we had to pick how we are going to gamble!  3k a pop (with a low probabilty) for several rounds VS. the cost of IVF (with a higher probability) for up to a year's worth of embryo transfers.  We'll pick the latter.

**I learned something new.  With IVF, you create a batch of good embryos and then freeze them.  Each time you attempt implantation, is called a "transfer".  I was always under the impression that each transfer was around 10k, and maybe it is in some places . . . I don't know, but at FCLV we get unlimited transfers for a year or until it results in a pregnancy with a live birth (within the year).

So, there you go.  If we want a family, this is our route.

My (Honest) Feelings. . . 

- I am thankful for modern medicine.  We at least have an option to have a family, whereas, we probably would not have had one a few decades ago.
(I'm not dismissing adoption as being a family unit.  I'm strictly referring to having a biological family)

- Even though my dad is an REI of a physician, I feel like I personally only know of 5 others (maybe!), who are in our age group and have had to do IVF.  It's kind of isolating (I've used this word a lot - but it fits the circumstances).

- There are some feelings of, "Why do we have to pay to have a family, when others do not?"  Don't get me started on the people who are irresponsible.  It doesn't seem fair; but then again, life isn't fair for anyone. . .

- There is a level of guilt attached with the fact that, I am the factor.  I need to remind myself that we are in it together.  Steven has been nothing but supportive.  The guy deserves more credit than I give him.  I am beyond grateful for him!

-Okay. . . this part is funny!  Steven has this issue with how children are created/conceived.  He never wanted to tell anyone that we were trying because he didn't want for people to know what that entailed.   Well, it kind of all came out when we were trying forever and nothing . . . and then my surgery, etc.  So, at least our kids will be conceived in a lab . . . bam! Sterile, purely scientific.  Perfect for my science-teacher-of-a-husband! Ha!

**Disclosure - These may offend some of you, or you may perceive me as ungrateful.  These are my honest feelings about the matter and this being my personal blog; I am posting my thoughts.**

After some budgeting and saving, we'll start in a few months!

Back On Track...

It's official.  We are back on the fertility treatment bandwagon.  We have our IUI consultation tomorrow at 3pm.  Steven is coming with me. . .  thank goodness!  Husband should be included in this for sure!  I'm not looking forward to this because I can guarantee that Dr. D will say something along the lines of "this is probably not your best option, don't expect anything to come of this".  Oh well, we do what we can, right?  It's the first steps.  It's what my insurance is willing to pay for.  I'm not the most optimistic person. . .only because if something good comes of something that I have low expectations for and it comes out as a success in the end, then I'm pleasantly surprised!  That was totally and completely confusing but does anyone else feel this way?

In all honesty, it was nice to take a break from being poked and prodded over the last month, but I guess it's back to reality.  Too many different doctors/techs have been all up in 'you know where'.  If we want to have a family, then this is our only option.  I won't lie there are feelings of isolation (majorly - from mine and Steven's families), discouragement, and "why us/me's?"  I jokingly told Steven that I'm thinking about becoming a crack whore. . .they don't seem to be having any fertility issues (no offense, but am I right?!)

I'll let you all know how tomorrow really goes. . . . in the meantime, enjoy my favorite songs of the summer!

Yay for Imagine Dragons being a local band!!  Love, love, love me some good Indie!

Both songs make me feel like, "Hey, I'm me and that's the way I am. . .so I'll deal with it!"

On My Mind.

We're back!  We made it to Vegas safely. . . thank goodness!  I can say that this time around, I did most of the driving.  I didn't even get pulled over . . . I wish Steven could say the same. Ha! 

 In all fairness, he only got a warning (in Iowa - on the way to IL).  I'm only calling him out because he likes to criticize my driving.

Picture dedicated to my brother Christopher, who says, "Keep sending me pictures of palm trees and I'll move out there."  So I'm taking his word for it; he may be getting 1-2 pictures a daily.

Anyways, a glimpse of what has been on my 'impatient' mind (as my mom would say) as of lately. . .

- I forgot how much I love tennis!  We played a few times while we were in Illinois and had so much fun; that we made a deal to play more often when we got home.  First night back. . .and we actually did go and play! I won the first set!

-I don't remember ever being so impatient (see above).  Mid-ranting about something, I apologized to my mom for being so unpleasant during the majority of the trip.  We had a good trip. . .that's the truth. . .but if something frustrating came up that I would have to address or even hear about (medical bills for past and present procedures, coordinating plans while we were there, hearing about others' drama and frustrations), I was done.  I would not have wanted to be around me.  I'm surprised that my family didn't tell me to go back to where I came from!  Upon my apology, I told my my mom that I feel like I have very little control of what is going on in my life and that I hate it.  She told me that she completely understood but that I'm also showing signs of despondency, which should probably be addressed.  I'm lucky to have a mom who will sit down and listen.  She's always been that way and I am grateful for her feedback.

-I have a million things that I want to do around my house and the majority of them have to do with getting organized.  

-I'm not feeling the urge to socialize.  That sounds sad, considering I thrive being around others . . . but no,  I'm happy doing things by myself.  I'm happy to be around people, I'm not a buzz-kill.  At least, I don't think I am?

-Cooking has become sort of a passion of mine.  I love it.  I baked and cooked for my family back in Illinois and I've decided that researching new recipes, is as exciting as cooking in itself!  This morning I made stuffed French toast, and tonight; we had pulled BBQ chicken.  Leftovers are being used towards a Pinterest recipe!

-I'm glad that I cut my bangs.  It's a good change and Steven really likes them. . . surprisingly!  Christopher (my brother) and Steven call me "Bang-Bang".  It's funnier with the accent they use . . . makes me chuckle every time.  We'll see how long the bangs stay.  I'm thinking it's a phase; a need for control. For now, good.

-Speaking of control . . . I got on the scale last night . . .fully prepared to see my weight plus an extra 6 - 10 pounds.  I even took my hoodie off for the extra leeway.  My mom's cooking plus the fact that my chest grew back (maybe TMI - but when your hormones are chemically induced to go from menopause to faking-your-body-into-thinking-it's-pregnant, in a matter of seven months . . . it happens), I fully anticipated weight gain.  None.  Thank goodness.  It may sound completely bratty to be grateful, but I'm also completely irrational these days.  I'll blame it on the bi-polar hormones.

-I thought it would be a tough adjustment with the change in landscape, but no!  It feels good to be in the bright sun and see all of the palms again!  Plus, I kind of fell in love with our little home all over again!

And there you go.  The joys of a restless mind.

I'm Going to Miss This.

We were supposed to leave today but that didn't happen, so for real (for real!), we are leaving tomorrow morning.  Super mixed emotions about this.  While I know I have a million things to get back to, I will miss my family immensely.  Plus, let's be honest. . . I don't want to get back to our reality!

Plus, I really hate loading up the car and driving!

Here are the things (just a few of the things) that I will miss. . .

 Walks along the green streets of the midwest.  You don't get that kind of joy or beauty in Las Vegas.

Late night Ticket To Ride games with the fam.  So glad we brought this along!

Baby Elise/Aunt Stephanie time!  Next time (probably around Christmas), she will quite possibly be crawling!

My Mom's cooking! Yum.

It was fun to be able to visit for so long!  We were able to accomplish a lot of fun things. . . I'll post more when we get back!

Here's to 30 hours in the car! Cheers! 

**sarcasm intended**

STL Adventure

I apologize for being a bad blogger while on vacation.  You would think that with the more time I have, the more inclined I'd feel to be on the ball.  Unfortunately, it's made me really lazy!

The time here has been great!  My mom and I have spent lots of time in the kitchen together; chatting and making up fixings for the fam (I don't know why I just chose Southern verbage).  This is time spent that I will cherish forever.  

Last weekend my brother Shane, brother Christopher, Mr. D, and I drove down to Saint Louis, MO for a Saint Louis Cardinals game.  Only four hours away from my home in IL. . . it was my very first time in St. Louis.  Christopher, on the other hand, is a diehard Cardinals fan; so he's been numerous times.  We got some really great tickets, booked our hotel, and made a quick 2-day trip down south.  Nothing like a good old fashioned baseball game during the summer!

The weather was hot and humid, it made Vegas seem like a piece of cake (we look like a hot mess in most of our pictures).  The weather in the Midwest has since eased up and is incredibly beautiful!  Makes me so happy!

I sold my free replica ring for $20. . .yay!  I guess they go for much higher on Ebay.  I really could care less. . . it was free at the door!

We attempted our first Man vs. Food extravaganza, but because it's supposedly amazing. . . the line was crazy busy for Pappy's Smokehouse and with the weather being the way it was; no thanks!  Next time!