10 Weeks

I kinda feel like 10 weeks is one of those mile markers in pregnancy . . .you're a quarter of the way done and starting to really show.  I kinda just look like I've eaten too much, which in all fairness, I have.  You know what?  I don't care.  I'm reveling in it!  I'm enjoying the fact that if I feel like 3 Fruit Roll Ups in a row, I'll have just that. 

-So, with that said . . . I've gained 8lbs.

-I crave caesar dressing on veggies - which is funny because I like my roughage, but now I  L O V E it.

-I started using Basq Stretch Mark Butter.  While in California this last weekend, I learned from a salesgirl in a maternity shop, that this one is the only 'clinically proven' stretch mark cream to prevent and cure.  Maybe I'm just gullible, but with a party in there . . . I'll do what I can.

-I went to work today (first day of the school year, yay!) with ALL of my anti-nausea meds in tow. Heaven forbid, I get stuck at school for the next week and a half . . .  really it's just to ease my neurosis.  

-My body aches and I am beyond tired, however, I managed to make dinner this evening -  I tell you . . . I'll do anything for food these days.

I have many other symptoms of pregnancy that are not lady-like enough to mention, nor do you really even care to hear.  So, I'll just leave it at that.  Cheers to 10 weeks!

Two Little Reasons.

Sorry for the lack of posts.  At exactly 5.5 weeks,  I found myself feeling queasy in the middle of Lowes.  Forget our next stop to Costco - btw I never pass up a trip to Costco - morning sickness parked itself in my stomach and has not left.  Luckily, I have a genius of an OB/GYN who knows all of the latest MS remedies out there, and who has found a good little concoction that has allowed me to feel  like a semi-human again.  Two weeks of nausea WITH Zofran and Reglan wasn't cutting it, so we added Diclegis (basically Unisom and Vitamin B-6 in prescription form).

Okay, enough with the boring stuff and on with the exciting part . . .

We are having TWINS people!!!!!

We are feeling so lucky and so very blessed.  This is by far one of the most exciting times of our life and we couldn't ask for more . . . okay, maybe 2 healthy babies at the end of all of this, but so far so good!  Things are looking great.

Luckily, my husband has first-hand experience with twins.  He was 13 when his twin sisters were born and his mom has always said that she couldn't have done it without him.  I'm lucky to have that guy on my team.  He'll make a great dad, no doubt about it.

As of today, I am eight weeks along and feeling pretty okay!

One-Way Ticket to Parenthood.

My ticket to Illinois is officially booked.  Tuesday night, we finalized our plans, mostly due to the fact that my mom was having her hip-replacement surgery the following day.  I was getting anxious to make some plans that would get me out there and helping her get back on her feet, so to speak.  My poor mama . . . that woman has had her fair share of physical ailments.  However, her surgeon is optimistic that she'll make a full recovery in 6-8 weeks.  Here's to a summer of me getting to take care of my mom, something I've always wanted to be able to do for her.

June 8, 2013 is when I'll make my departure.  I am so very excited!  I spend a lot of time driving to work and back and I can't help but ponder what it will be like for parenthood to become a reality.  I have gotten choked up and weepy (I can be a mess of feelings sometimes) at the thought of having my very own baby smells, smiles, and skin to nibble on.  Oh it's an exciting thought! Isn't it?! 

I know it's not 100% but I am feeling good and happy and at peace.  I am living by the mantra of, "Come What May", truly!  I have had a good long year to sort this all in my mind and I've come out stronger, smarter, wiser, and with a whole lot more empathy for those in the same boat.  I have learned that this little trial called "Infertility" can do one of two things  1. Throw you into self-pity, deny yourself of progress and personal growth, and put a strain-like wedge in your marriage - all of which I was very close to coming to or 2.  Acknowledge the issue, gain wisdom and strength, learn that you are very much, in fact, resilient; and become happier and more open to communication and love in your marriage.  I'd like to think that after a year, I've chosen the second option.  I am a strong believer that through trials and life lessons, a part of our brain - perhaps a thought process evolves and a new way of our perception on life is gained.  Life's lessons - good or bad - really can be a beautiful thing if we let them.

Thank you Dani-girl for my "Illinois or Bust" care package!  I'm so very lucky to have sweet friends like you.  You better believe none of it will be used until I'm on my way to the great "Land of Lincoln"!

June 8th - I look forward to seeing you.  Let's do this. 

From This Day Forward . . .

He shall be called "Hernie"

Results are in . . . Hernia surgery for this guy . . . TBD.  

Grateful that his pains were nothing worse!

In the meantime, he has to lay off the golf and the countless weeknights of basketball

PS - Aren't hernias for old people?

New Year, New Ambitions.

I realize that the new year began a week and a day ago, but I wanted to post about our Christmas with my family; and I also wanted to truly ponder my wishes for the new year.

I have been composing a list for the past couple of weeks and this is what I came up with . . .

1. Complete IVF with Success  - Big surprise that this is my #1, right?!  It still breaks my heart that this is our path to parenthood, but I am working through it being a despair.  My wise and very kind counselor told me that it's a grieving process that requires to take time and heal.  She's right, and it's becoming much easier as life goes on.

2.  Get Organized - You know how we all pin our little hearts out with the best of intentions?  I do.  In fact, I have a board labeled "Organize My Life".  This year, I'm really doing it.  I'm not just saying that, because I've actually started.  PS - The garage looks daunting.

3.  Do More, Worry Less - This one falls under the organize category.  Confession:  I have OCD.  Not like, "Oh, hahaha, that was so OCD of me".  Like literally . . . I worry so much about perfection that I often procrastinate.  I get so overwhelmed and I don't end up accomplishing what I'd like to finish.  My powder room is a prime example. . .

4.  Create - I find myself happiest when I am creating.  Whether it be in the kitchen, crafting, writing; I am at my happiest . . . and who doesn't want to be happy?

5.  Serve - My church calling allows me to encourage service in our ward, but has also helped me to consciously think about serving others on my own.  I find myself focusing on the needs of others and not so much about qualms or issues that I may have.  The act of serving others, brings to mind, my favorite line in Les Miserables:

"To love another is to see the face of God"

Couldn't we all use a better relationship with God?  I would like to make it a personal goal to find more opportunities to serve.

6.  Read.  In French. - I am in desperate need of honing my French speaking skills.  What better way, then to read in the language?  Novels that were purchased during last year's trip to France are staring me in the face.

As you all know, we our hoping (and praying!) that this will be 'our year'.

So, cheers to 2013! May it bring to us all - health (maybe wealth, too?!!) and happiness!

Mom's Birthday Weekend in Vegas!

I need to play catch-up!  We have had a busy two weeks, with lots to talk about. . . 

Last Thursday, my parents got into town for my mom's birthday weekend.  Despite my bout with the stomach flu, we were able to celebrate our hearts out! 

Some of the weekend's events included:

-KA Cirque du Soleil - Friday night

-My Mom's favorite chocolate cake

-Two golf dates for the boys

-One hike up Lone Mountain (my Dad, Steven, Bear)

-Jazz and Dinner out at Lake Las Vegas

-Lots and lots of good conversation with my Mom (as always!)

And my family got some really great news, that deserves its very own post . . .

Results Are In. . .

After about three hours at the doctor's office on Thursday, we made a game plan. 

Initially, we thought that we would go the IUI route, because we were under the impression that our insurance covered 6 rounds of the procedure.  They do in fact cover the actual procedure; but do not cover the meds, monitoring, etc . . . which would cost us over 3k per cycle.  Ahhh, never underestimate the fine print!

So at 3k per cycle - with very little probability (due to my condition), we are going the IVF route.  In a way, we had to pick how we are going to gamble!  3k a pop (with a low probabilty) for several rounds VS. the cost of IVF (with a higher probability) for up to a year's worth of embryo transfers.  We'll pick the latter.

**I learned something new.  With IVF, you create a batch of good embryos and then freeze them.  Each time you attempt implantation, is called a "transfer".  I was always under the impression that each transfer was around 10k, and maybe it is in some places . . . I don't know, but at FCLV we get unlimited transfers for a year or until it results in a pregnancy with a live birth (within the year).

So, there you go.  If we want a family, this is our route.

My (Honest) Feelings. . . 

- I am thankful for modern medicine.  We at least have an option to have a family, whereas, we probably would not have had one a few decades ago.
(I'm not dismissing adoption as being a family unit.  I'm strictly referring to having a biological family)

- Even though my dad is an REI of a physician, I feel like I personally only know of 5 others (maybe!), who are in our age group and have had to do IVF.  It's kind of isolating (I've used this word a lot - but it fits the circumstances).

- There are some feelings of, "Why do we have to pay to have a family, when others do not?"  Don't get me started on the people who are irresponsible.  It doesn't seem fair; but then again, life isn't fair for anyone. . .

- There is a level of guilt attached with the fact that, I am the factor.  I need to remind myself that we are in it together.  Steven has been nothing but supportive.  The guy deserves more credit than I give him.  I am beyond grateful for him!

-Okay. . . this part is funny!  Steven has this issue with how children are created/conceived.  He never wanted to tell anyone that we were trying because he didn't want for people to know what that entailed.   Well, it kind of all came out when we were trying forever and nothing . . . and then my surgery, etc.  So, at least our kids will be conceived in a lab . . . bam! Sterile, purely scientific.  Perfect for my science-teacher-of-a-husband! Ha!

**Disclosure - These may offend some of you, or you may perceive me as ungrateful.  These are my honest feelings about the matter and this being my personal blog; I am posting my thoughts.**

After some budgeting and saving, we'll start in a few months!

On My Mind.

We're back!  We made it to Vegas safely. . . thank goodness!  I can say that this time around, I did most of the driving.  I didn't even get pulled over . . . I wish Steven could say the same. Ha! 

 In all fairness, he only got a warning (in Iowa - on the way to IL).  I'm only calling him out because he likes to criticize my driving.

Picture dedicated to my brother Christopher, who says, "Keep sending me pictures of palm trees and I'll move out there."  So I'm taking his word for it; he may be getting 1-2 pictures a daily.

Anyways, a glimpse of what has been on my 'impatient' mind (as my mom would say) as of lately. . .

- I forgot how much I love tennis!  We played a few times while we were in Illinois and had so much fun; that we made a deal to play more often when we got home.  First night back. . .and we actually did go and play! I won the first set!

-I don't remember ever being so impatient (see above).  Mid-ranting about something, I apologized to my mom for being so unpleasant during the majority of the trip.  We had a good trip. . .that's the truth. . .but if something frustrating came up that I would have to address or even hear about (medical bills for past and present procedures, coordinating plans while we were there, hearing about others' drama and frustrations), I was done.  I would not have wanted to be around me.  I'm surprised that my family didn't tell me to go back to where I came from!  Upon my apology, I told my my mom that I feel like I have very little control of what is going on in my life and that I hate it.  She told me that she completely understood but that I'm also showing signs of despondency, which should probably be addressed.  I'm lucky to have a mom who will sit down and listen.  She's always been that way and I am grateful for her feedback.

-I have a million things that I want to do around my house and the majority of them have to do with getting organized.  

-I'm not feeling the urge to socialize.  That sounds sad, considering I thrive being around others . . . but no,  I'm happy doing things by myself.  I'm happy to be around people, I'm not a buzz-kill.  At least, I don't think I am?

-Cooking has become sort of a passion of mine.  I love it.  I baked and cooked for my family back in Illinois and I've decided that researching new recipes, is as exciting as cooking in itself!  This morning I made stuffed French toast, and tonight; we had pulled BBQ chicken.  Leftovers are being used towards a Pinterest recipe!

-I'm glad that I cut my bangs.  It's a good change and Steven really likes them. . . surprisingly!  Christopher (my brother) and Steven call me "Bang-Bang".  It's funnier with the accent they use . . . makes me chuckle every time.  We'll see how long the bangs stay.  I'm thinking it's a phase; a need for control. For now, good.

-Speaking of control . . . I got on the scale last night . . .fully prepared to see my weight plus an extra 6 - 10 pounds.  I even took my hoodie off for the extra leeway.  My mom's cooking plus the fact that my chest grew back (maybe TMI - but when your hormones are chemically induced to go from menopause to faking-your-body-into-thinking-it's-pregnant, in a matter of seven months . . . it happens), I fully anticipated weight gain.  None.  Thank goodness.  It may sound completely bratty to be grateful, but I'm also completely irrational these days.  I'll blame it on the bi-polar hormones.

-I thought it would be a tough adjustment with the change in landscape, but no!  It feels good to be in the bright sun and see all of the palms again!  Plus, I kind of fell in love with our little home all over again!

And there you go.  The joys of a restless mind.

Feeling Zen

My sister-in-law made it known to me that Anderson Japanese Gardens, here in Rockford, takes donations on the third Thursday of every month - rather than their usual $8.00 admission (adult) fee.  In all of my youth/upbringing, I NEVER made it to Anderson Gardens.  Which is surprising, because it's a field-trip 'hot spot'!

 
I am beyond appreciative that we were able to go. The gardens are absolutely breathtaking!  The interesting thing is that Japenese gardens have very little color; they go by textures/height/different shades of green foliage and lots of water. Simple. Stunning, nonetheless.

If you are in the Rockford area, Anderson Gardens is a must-see! I can't wait to go sometime during the fall, when the trees are starting to turn.

With my many neighborhood walks here and my desert hikes back home, I've decided that I am a much happier person when I am among nature.  I feel much more balanced!